Friday, June 24, 2005

"Every Monkey Has His Swing"

Going to Roque’s Carnitas stand on the plaza is always an adventure. He and I were partners early on and it was Roque who showed me the wonderful ‘coyote’ side of Santa Fe

As I approached, for the tourists' sake, I used to greet Roque in Spanish with, “Hay pescado?” (Is there Fish?)
He would answer, “No pescado hoy.” (No fish today.)
That would allow me to talk, in English, to the tourists about the sad plight of the Rio Grande Tuna.

But today Roque was busy and it was he who greeted me first with his usual, “ Where you been???”
I looked at the herd of hungry white faces from Montana lined up for meat, took a guess and asked, “You folks own horses?”
The nice tourist lady said, “Yes we do.”
“Who’s taking care of them?” I asked, as if I even had a right to ask.
“My oldest daughter.”

Roque interrupted with a call to the shy tourists to come closer so he could hand them the food they ordered. With a smile and an accent, Roque told the customer, who was about ten feet away, “Come here, I don’t deliver.” To me he turned, taking control of the conversation, and said, “Louie was here and he asked about you.”

There was only one ‘Louie.’ Louis Montano, former Mayor of Santa Fe, was an old time political “opponent” for lack of a better word. As a political activist, I was amazed at the sincerity in his eyes when he once explained to me, “Political conflict didn’t mean anything because it just showed how much we both love Santa Fe.”

Roque then said something that made me think. “Louie said, 'you know, we never had trouble with him then’." Meaning me. That was odd. Not then but now?

I must have been really deep in thought because just then, as if by magic, Roque is handing a carnita to a man and saying to me, “You know my friend, Mr. Lujan.” And sure enough, standing there was Manuel Lujan Jr., former Congressman and former Secretary of the Interior.

After shaking hands I just jumped in with, “What do you think of the Governor?” My current obsession.
Mr. Lujan just smiled.
“Come on”, I said, “Tell me something and I'll write about it.”
“No, I don’t want to be in the limelight anymore…been there.”, the former 20-year congressman said.

If nothing else, I’m persistent, especially when I have a captive audience. Secretary Lujan moved to the shade of a plaza tree next to Rogue’s cart, listening to me pull out my best button-holding techniques. The Republican politician smiled as I ranted to him about Fat Bill and Kerry and Edwards never mentioning the words Abu Ghriab once during the last Presidential campaign.
“Really?” Mr. Lujan said. “OK, I will say something I’ve said before…” and went in to a perfect slow old Spanish-New Mexican phrase.

And fuck, my Spanish is so bad I missed the first noun not to mention the verb conjugation. But Manuel, always being polite, immediately translated it for me. “Every monkey has his swing,” he said.
I laughed out loud.

Mr. Lujan said he was going to sit on a park bench and have a cigar. As he left, Roque nodded toward me as if to say, ‘Si ,that was an invitation - go see what he has to say.'

I love it. Mr. Lujan sits down next to a huge tie-dye shirted guy from Kansas and lights up a politically incorrect cigar. The former Cabinet Secretary asked me to sit and then asked me to switch seats because his cigar was bothering the huge white American sitting next to him.

We talk everything but politics. How as a kid living on Manhattan Street he would sneak the family horse up to the Plaza and sell pony rides for 25 cents. “My parents didn’t know,” said the humble Mr. Lujan.

The conversation ended with us sharing a bad joke each that I think we had both told to radio old timer Mike Santullo. My joke was about “his face rings a bell.” His was about a man who made it to the top without the ability to read and write. Each joke, in its way, was really about "Every monkey has his swing."

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Frankie thinks Fat Bill is doing a good job on education. “Pre-school and better teacher pay” are examples of a pluss his says. I guess Frankie should know being honest and being on the School Board.

Frankie and Hot Dog Charlie always give me a hard time about something.

"Be careful what you say to him," Frankie says about me to Charlie. "He'll write about it."

Charlie immediately goes into some funny story about how he was wearing women's panties at "this very moment."
"You know how they use to say men wanted to get in women's panties, well I still do." Frankie laughs as I stare at Charlie. Charlie now looks at me wondering if I knew he was kidding. "No, no...I really love women. I was only fooling around." Charlie says as Frankie laughs harder.
I wanted to talk to Frank about education and Fat Bill. I knew he wouldn't talk seriously until he had his fill of razzing me, so I went over to Charlie's stand to get a dog loaded with just relish from his worker.

Just then Cecil the cop comes over and starts to talk with Charlie and Frankie. Cecil is the ex-husband of Municipal Judge Fran Gallegos. The last time Cecil and I had a chat it was in the middle of the street. As the tourists from Iowa watched a Santa Fe cop is shorts almost duke it out with a Santa Fe weirdo. Cecil started that conversation with me with "Why are you such an asshole? Why do you hate her so much?
I responded, "Do you really want to know why?"
"NO not really" yells Cecil.

But for now Cecil the Cop had not seen me getting a hot dog. I caught the weight-lifter cop's eye and asked, "Can I buy you a hog dog?"
In a split second Cecil went from schmoozing to recognition to a sort of resignation and then very politely said "No thank you sir."
"Does this call for a hug?" I ask the cop.
Charlie and Frank almost piss in their pants laughing. "Only if I can tazer you in the head." Cecil reply.
"If you tazer me in another location, another appendage, it might help get it going again." I say.
"You mean it just might jump-start it?" chimes in a happy white tourist.
And with a smile the Cop says, "I'm out of here."

I could see I wasn't going to talk with Frankie about the school district's HomeWise program or Fat Bill's education policy today.

All I know is our big and restless Governor was a no-show when the New Mexican tried to do something about the "Achievement Gap." Anyway, I saw State Senator Phil Griego at that community forum. I asked him if he was feeling better.
It seems Val "fuck face" Kilmer mouthed off about New Mexico in Rolling Stone and Sen. Griego told Val and all his Hollywood coke head friends to take a flying fuck and stop disrespecting northern New Mexico and it's people... at least publicly you turd Kilmer.

Our Governor Large Lard, always looking for an excuse to eat, publicly invites Sen. Phil and Kilmer to a sit down dinner at the mansion. Phil says fuck you to the both of them and publicly say he's ill.
"So were you really sick?" I asked Griego standing outside the College of Santa Fe.
"Hell no. I wasn't going to eat with the...” Phil lays into Kilmer as I literally jump up and down in delight with our State Senator's description of the whacked-out movie star.

After Fat Bill's dinner with Val Kilmer and without Phil Griego, Governor Suck-off Richardson declared to the press "Val Kilmer is a great New Mexican." I think it's Senator Phil Griego who is a great New Mexican and that he ate Bill Richardson for lunch.

Fran the man-hating gun-totin corrupt bitch!

Our corrupt Municipal Judge has been running her court a cash cow for her staff and herself. Un-trained in law she used the process to frivolously charges people while acting as her own prosecutor. Of course greedy Gallegos will say it's more efficient being a Nazi judge.

The $100,000 salaried, three time divorced man-hating Fran made the City buy her a gun; dismissed more tickets than former Judge Fiorina; did favors for her drunken political friends; blew a ton of DWI cases; got censured by the courts and was just about to be thrown out for corruption... so she decided to run for Mayor to reek real havoc on all of Santa Fe.

As ex-military she has been a real supporter (like Governor Fat Bill Richardson) of the war in Iraq and the killing of Iraqi children for political reasons.

Gallegos was out control "interpreting" local law differently from State law. The City then changed the wording of our municipal laws to match the State's laws. Gallegos went nuts. And when the City decided to rein in the fat with power corrupt Gallegos she tried to get Assistant City Attorney Spence Pacheco fired.

Thank God for people like Bruce Thompson (City Attorney) and Art Micheal (City Prosecutor). When you meet lawyers like them and see their heart felt dedication to what is right, it gives you hope. But when you compare them to the non-lawyer greedy ego of the corrupt and vengeful Gallegos you see how gullible Santa Fe is. And man, it's fucking depressing.

What is this man affraid of?

Tom Udall, U.S. Congressman from New Mexico, is startled with the news that his daughter Amanda is working for the rumored very sexy New Mexico Governor Fat Bill Richardson.